One of those mornings

… when quitting sounds awfully like a good idea.

Because I don’t network, I don’t smooch and I don’t play the game. I don’t have an agent. I am getting tired of becoming my own advocate/PR etc etc.

I burst out crying in the bathroom, probably the culmination of things for the past two weeks. A certain local article about spec fic, lack of agents (and their goalposts keep changing – do they know what they want?) … and I am just… I just want to give up.

I told myself by 40, if I didn’t get any book deals (major ones), I would quit writing. I am now 42, beset with health issues galore, and I am not getting younger anymore. I have books, I have novellas, I have stories in anthologies…

I want to write for the sheer pleasure of it. That’s why I have started writing fanfic again. But for pro writing, I am getting tired and I wonder after all who I want to please. Myself? The uncaring sff community?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: